A lifetime in a memory

None of her wishes had come true. The more she held onto something, it would soon slip away from her. She felt a heart-ache every now and then. She clearly had chosen to keep that aside. Like an amputee. Do you understand this kind of pain without going through it? The one which hurts without literally hurting, nor killing. It suspends you in between life and death. You know that you are not dead for sure. But, you are definitely not alive. Definitely, maybe kind of a thing. Like being nobody's love. It's an oxymoron. Nobody's love, isn't it? But, it didn't break her anyway. There were many other things that could break her. But, she always had a way to reconstruct herself back stronger. But, the problem was this one rotted her piecemeal. From inside. 

She wanted to unlove and break free. But, her system had not allowed herself to. She had found professional help that didn't help. But, all she could do in self defence was to not love anymore. Not allow herself to love. She was so cruel to herself, but that was supposed to protect herself from getting hurt. Cruelty that protects something. An irony. 

She held the receiver without talking. On the other side,  a voice said that she was late for the appointment. She quickly put her best dress and make up on, one last time and took a heavy sigh. She left a locked door behind, to get his memory erased from her brain. To unlove, undo and unlive. One last time. 

Freedom

Freedom is a luxury, an art mastered

It comes with seasoning

Years of suffering and indifference

I wear it like an ornament

It comes to me easy as breathing

But, to bond and be bound

Baby, it stifles me and holds me

It tames me, breaks my spirit

Stints my view through the glass I see

Paints colours and makes it hazy

Do you see, I don't belong here?

I lose you or not, it's still nothing

I'm free and wild as air

I can't be anchored

By a beast or an angel.

This security of having you

Doesn't wake me with false alarms

I'm steeled inside out

There is something in me

That you can't get to.

It's a reverie, it's a nightmare

Or a wishful thinking, a miraged happiness

Or someone's reality

Having that someone

To live and die for

Tangled in strings and knots

To desire and to be desired

But, oh baby, I can't, I know

I can't live for you

I'm not made of their blood

I can't and won't die for you.

We met as strangers

Strangers we still are

It's a thumb rule of relationships

That we meet and depart as strangers

Nothing changes the beginning

Or the ending

If you sit back and be an onlooker

Only the in-between is a make believe.

I can be a murderer or a victim

I can kill you and can't save you at once

There is no sense at all, you see?

I can't and won't take the middle path

Reveal what you are now or only time will tell

You'll have all of me or nothing

I will have all of you or nothing

Or too soon there will be a day

When there are no changes at all.  

Being Human

Leaving is never hard

Goodbyes don't hurt

As much as the life after.

You can't convince that it's over

To the others or yourself

Or know that it is for real.

A mirage that traps you in

Quicksand consumes you

You can't feel your legs

You fall and crawl

It kills you almost and keeps you alive,

You wish it is over in a second

But it lasts, for hours and days.

Days become nights

Nights become days

You can't tell one from the other

But, one day it's gotta be over.

That one day you feel nothing

Nothing at all, even after trying

It's not so human, but you find yourself

Hanging around like you're one.

Waiting to damn your beloved.

Mind Game

His sensual touch on her lips

An intoxicating one, that

Arrested her breath, slurred her words

No drug could come close.

It was love and lust.

What is one without the other?

Like flesh and blood, one derives

Drive from the other.

His sinews tightened, breathing hard

She shut her eyes to the nights she lied to herself

She broke, she cried and rehabilitated

Inside walls of make believe.

But not tonight.

All her youthful years that passed

The beauty life robbed her of

Piecemeal. Inch by inch. Surely.

How she was wasted. Ruthlessly.

Waiting and disarmed.

But not tonight.

She wished she had never met him

And lived to know

That he touched her like no man had

And no man could ever again.

Parallel

The crease in your shirt

As you shift, the creak of the chair

Subtly aware of the swift moves

The twiching of those eyes

Seeing, yet not choosing to see. 

We are stuck in different points

In tesseracts of time

That don't intersect, yet I feel your presence. 

Our parallel lives, oh what a paradox! 

I wait for you to salvage me, oh, I don't

That can't be, there's never an escape.

Mind, that one neurotic, constructs memories 

With coffee cups that we never drank from

And those moments that could have been 

I don't crave a new beginning

Or recreate the past

Let's just get sit together shit-faced 

Dissolving this boundary

That never was

Let's undo our masks 

The civilized, the office, the house, the constrained, the prejudiced, the societal

And stare together at the sky and the earth at the horizon

That end together yet never meet.

Three wishes from Genie

The three necessary values, I would rather say, ways of thinking, I would like to teach my child are the following:

• There is nothing absolute in the world. There are no rules to live life and be happy. If you are not hurting anyone and trying to lead a life you desire, that is good enough. A teacher who taught you that truth is the ultimate value in life would have lied a few times for personal gains. A role model you look up to also would be flawed in many ways if you look close. 
• Being financially independent is important and there is nothing like a dream job. You will know that nothing comes for free. A paying job also gives you some bitter relationships and some sweet. There is no job in this world that offers only a bed of roses. Not even your job of dreams.
• Love is an important bond. A basic necessity that everybody looks for is to love and be loved. You will look for it everywhere. And if you do not feel loved, you never feel that you have lived. Love and be loved.

Written for Indispire - edition 118 on Indiblogger.in

Rest

If you cannot do
The tough task ahead of you
Rest, but do quit.

Take a little break
Tell yourself you can do it
Smile and start again.

Written for Haiku Horizons: "rest"

Moon-struck

Behold her in the dusk!
She caresses the breeze,
By her uncanny resemblance
To an angel, I am awe-struck!

As her free flowing hair
Throng her face of golden-glow,
I see her beauty only half;
The other half in moonlight.

Written for The Tuesday Platform

Skip

Do not skip your meals
To lose weight and look thinner
Your body may thrive.

Your body may thrive
Till it loses something else
Along with beauty!

Written for Haiku Horizons: "skip"

Match

God is an artist
Man-made matches work
Sometimes they do fail.

A god-made match of
Only a mother and child
Remains beyond death!

Written for Haiku Horizons: "match"

First day of the rest of my life

photo by Tom Chambers

We are ready to move out. And move on too. Maybe not ready to move on yet. The twinkle in her eyes is gone. She is leaving back many memories in this place. And the dreams that loomed big in front of her half-asleep eyes in the day, have moved back to the background and merged with the shadows of unknown shapes. This place was held very close to her heart, but, now, it is time to move out. Time is like a lightning, it strikes us when we are busy making plans. And after the lightning, the thunder and the rain, the rest of our lives, we get busy doing something else.

Written for  Magpie Tales: mag 312
Written for A Week for Writing - prompt 101

Swing

Life is like a swing
Takes to the highest of highs
And lowest of lows.

Written for Haiku Horizons: "run"

Z - Zoom

When we zoom in on the tiniest details of life, we lose the larger picture. We tend to focus on the imperfections of the insignificant things that accounts for nothing in the long run. For example, somebody insulted you and you get disturbed by that for a day or a night or a week or a month. That person probably will never meet you again in reality. But your mind lives in his afterglow. And your life during this time is wasted. Do not let that happen. Do not lose the forest for a tree.

Written for A to Z April Challenge, 2016.

Y - You

Sometimes I wonder do you ever think of me? For a flashing moment, do you ever put aside whatever you are doing and bring a picture of me in front of you? I really wonder. If that could be possible, then do you ever pick your cellphone and think of calling me? If that is possible, then why do not I get your calls? I really wonder why and how.

I  know, you might be thinking the same. Why are you not getting calls from me? As you wait for me, I wait for you. I am tired of this juggle of me and you. We have lost our beautiful moments together that could have been. We have lost the times that we would have wished to rewind. We have been existing adding years to life. 

When you feel the same regret, then call me. That is the perfect time. That is when the 'you' in you will merge into 'me'.

Written for A to Z April Challenge, 2016.

X - Xerox

There is a wrong 'term' used for photo copy, mostly in college students and school-going students. It is 'xerox'.

Get my notes xeroxed for studies. 

Xerox this page for me, please.

Xerox is an American company name. It is not a verb.

Next time, please do say - Get this page photocopied for me.

Written for A to Z April Challenge, 2016.

W - Wait

Meek and timid eyes
Waiting for her Prince Charming
Ready to run far.

He had to come now
To save her from a marriage
With unknown stranger.

This fight never ends
She sighed and thought in her mind
And gave up her soul.

No, she is not dead
Nor is she alive, living,
Someone else's dream.

Why is it a rule?
For parents to conclude from
Their child's bread to bride?

Written for A to Z April Challenge, 2016.
Written for Haiku Horizons: "run"

V - Ventriloquism

I was recently introduced to this art by a stage performance and I say it was amusing and interesting. Ventriloquism, or ventriloquy, is an act of stagecraft in which a person (a ventriloquist) changes his or her voice so that it appears that the voice is coming from elsewhere. Changing one's voice is alright, but pretending that you are not voicing the words is a really difficult task.

I watched a show of the famous Ventriloquist Indushree and Dinku and was fascinated by the art. The lady's sense of humour and presence of mind brings joy to the audience. Good going!

Written for A to Z April Challenge, 2016.

U - Ultimatum

One rigid stroke of hand, the noose tightened against his throat, he struggled to breathe in air and stopped, the convicted was hung to death, his ultimatum unheard.

His mother was there to witness his death.

What is more disturbing for a woman than to see the life she created, the life that came out to the world from her very own womb, the life that sucked life from her bare bosom, die, in her presence?

Be whatever the reason or force that causes danger to a child, its mother always and always tries to protect from her child's world from collapsing.

And for mothers, their children never grow up.

No mother should get to see her child die - was his ultimatum.

Written for A to Z April Challenge, 2016.

T - Time Travel

Everybody wishes for a time machine. A machine that could take us back to our favourite days in our memories. Let us do a quick time travel.

I started blogging in May, 2014. I re-started it, I would paraphrase it as such. Poetry, short stories and quoting some random feelings were the genres I had decided to write. The journey is on, however, there is not much seriousness and dedication that I have been giving to blogging yet. Time is a limiting factor.

You can read my first post here. I noticed that I suffered from a writer's block for many years because of which I stopped blogging. I re-started it when I thought I would try my hand in blogging again. Though, the writing flair has not made a full-fledged comeback, I am still surviving with the not quite, not yet type of writing. I hope the writer in me will be soon born again.

Written for Indispire - edition 114 on Indiblogger.in
Written for A to Z April Challenge, 2016.

S - Siblings

It is fun to have siblings. They are your well-wishers, your partners in crime, your support system and friends. They can be good and bad, at the same time. The memories of them we etch on the sands of time is forever. No oceanic wave can travel so far as to erase them off.

Written for A to Z April Challenge, 2016.