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Wednesday, 10 June 2020

A lifetime in a memory

None of her wishes had come true. The more she held onto something, it would soon slip away from her. She felt a heart-ache every now and then. She clearly had chosen to keep that aside. Like an amputee. Do you understand this kind of pain without going through it? The one which hurts without literally hurting, nor killing. It suspends you in between life and death. You know that you are not dead for sure. But, you are definitely not alive. Definitely, maybe kind of a thing. Like being nobody's love. It's an oxymoron. Nobody's love, isn't it? But, it didn't break her anyway. There were many other things that could break her. But, she always had a way to reconstruct herself back stronger. But, the problem was this one rotted her piecemeal. From inside. 

She wanted to unlove and break free. But, her system had not allowed herself to. She had found professional help that didn't help. But, all she could do in self defence was to not love anymore. Not allow herself to love. She was so cruel to herself, but that was supposed to protect herself from getting hurt. Cruelty that protects something. An irony. 

She held the receiver without talking. On the other side,  a voice said that she was late for the appointment. She quickly put her best dress and make up on, one last time and took a heavy sigh. She left a locked door behind, to get his memory erased from her brain. To unlove, undo and unlive. One last time. 

Sunday, 1 March 2020

Freedom


Freedom is a luxury, an art mastered
It comes with seasoning
Years of suffering and indifference
I wear it like an ornament
It comes to me easy as breathing

But, to bond and be bound
Baby, it stifles me and holds me
It tames me, breaks my spirit
Stints my view through the glass I see
Paints colours and makes it hazy

Do you see, I don't belong here?
I lose you or not, it's still nothing
I'm free and wild as air
I can't be anchored
By a beast or an angel.

This security of having you
Doesn't wake me with false alarms
I'm steeled inside out
There is something in me
That you can't get to.

It's a reverie, it's a nightmare
Or a wishful thinking, a miraged happiness
Or someone's reality

Having that someone
To live and die for
Tangled in strings and knots
To desire and to be desired

But, oh baby, I can't, I know
I can't live for you
I'm not made of their blood
I can't and won't die for you.

We met as strangers
Strangers we still are
It's a thumb rule of relationships
That we meet and depart as strangers

Nothing changes the beginning
Or the ending
If you sit back and be an onlooker
Only the in-between is a make believe.

I can be a murderer or a victim
I can kill you and can't save you at once
There is no sense at all, you see?
I can't and won't take the middle path

Reveal what you are now or only time will tell
You'll have all of me or nothing
I will have all of you or nothing
Or too soon there will be a day
When there are no changes at all.  

Being Human


Leaving is never hard
Goodbyes don't hurt
As much as the life after.

You can't convince that it's over
To the others or yourself
Or know that it is for real.
A mirage that traps you in
Quicksand consumes you

You can't feel your legs
You fall and crawl
It kills you almost and keeps you alive,
You wish it is over in a second
But it lasts, for hours and days.

Days become nights
Nights become days
You can't tell one from the other
But, one day it's gotta be over.

That one day you feel nothing
Nothing at all, even after trying
It's not so human, but you find yourself
Hanging around like you're one.
Waiting to damn your beloved.

Mind Game

His sensual touch on her lips
An intoxicating one, that
Arrested her breath, slurred her words
No drug could come close.

It was love and lust.
What is one without the other?
Like flesh and blood, one derives
Drive from the other.

His sinews tightened, breathing hard
She shut her eyes to the nights she lied to herself
She broke, she cried and rehabilitated
Inside walls of make believe.
But not tonight.

All her youthful years that passed
The beauty life robbed her of
Piecemeal. Inch by inch. Surely.
How she was wasted. Ruthlessly.
Waiting and disarmed.
But not tonight.

She wished she had never met him
And lived to know
That he touched her like no man had
And no man could ever again.

Monday, 20 January 2020

Parallel

The crease in your shirt
As you shift, the creak of the chair
Subtly aware of the swift moves
The twiching of those eyes
Seeing, yet not choosing to see. 

We are stuck in different points
In tesseracts of time
That don't intersect, yet I feel your presence. 
Our parallel lives, oh what a paradox! 

I wait for you to salvage me, oh, I don't
That can't be, there's never an escape.
Mind, that one neurotic, constructs memories 
With coffee cups that we never drank from
And those moments that could have been 

I don't crave a new beginning
Or recreate the past
Let's just get sit together shit-faced 
Dissolving this boundary
That never was

Let's undo our masks 
The civilized, the office, the house, the constrained, the prejudiced, the societal
And stare together at the sky and the earth at the horizon
That end together yet never meet.

Monday, 23 May 2016

Three wishes from Genie

The three necessary values, I would rather say, ways of thinking, I would like to teach my child are the following:
  • There is nothing absolute in the world. There are no rules to live life and be happy. If you are not hurting anyone and trying to lead a life you desire, that is good enough. A teacher who taught you that truth is the ultimate value in life would have lied a few times for personal gains. A role model you look up to also would be flawed in many ways if you look close. 
  • Being financially independent is important and there is nothing like a dream job. You will know that nothing comes for free. A paying job also gives you some bitter relationships and some sweet. There is no job in this world that offers only a bed of roses. Not even your job of dreams.
  • Love is an important bond. A basic necessity that everybody looks for is to love and be loved. You will look for it everywhere. And if you do not feel loved, you never feel that you have lived. Love and be loved.

Rest

If you cannot do
The tough task ahead of you
Rest, but do quit.

Take a little break
Tell yourself you can do it
Smile and start again.

Written for Haiku Horizons: "rest"

Tuesday, 17 May 2016

Moon-struck

Behold her in the dusk!
She caresses the breeze,
By her uncanny resemblance
To an angel, I am awe-struck!

As her free flowing hair
Throng her face of golden-glow,
I see her beauty only half;
The other half in moonlight.

Written for The Tuesday Platform

Skip

Do not skip your meals
To lose weight and look thinner
Your body may thrive.

Your body may thrive
Till it loses something else
Along with beauty!

Written for Haiku Horizons: "skip"

Tuesday, 10 May 2016

Match

God is an artist
Man-made matches work
Sometimes they do fail.

A god-made match of
Only a mother and child
Remains beyond death!

Written for Haiku Horizons: "match"